Seriously will this go ! Damn it will !!!

It's been like years meeting greeting enjoying sharing .Don't know when all this will end . When the scare of getting this will go ? No idea ,but am I really strong don't know.Am I drunk or what ? What am I telling ? Life has become serious dull . It's my life ? How can my life suck so hard 🤣. Tired now need to move on and hit it hard. I need to bring out what I did best and need to do that. Will that end the pandemic and my fear ??? Oops seriously don't know. Why do I wake up gasping for air and again cool myself that it's anxiety cope up and I sleep fine. Why ?? Then again I feel like breaking all rules and still lie on the bed thinking should I really go out ?? Life has really changed for me it seems. Sometimes feel like all care . Sometimes feel like all think of themselves first . Where am I in them ?? Sometimes I feel am loved sometimes I feel am alone .Sometimes tired of life .Sometimes what can I do .How can I grab them in my life .Do I need to let them go ? Do I really deserve them or do I deserve them ? Can I move on ?? Again within seconds I think is everything fine or am I just drunk or its anxiety 🤣. Lots of thing going on in mind .. have allergy should I go out .. if allergy can lead to covid?? No I have my family with me .How can I bear that ? Will I be blamed ? Why ??

Explain me what is going on in my life !! Any suggestions 😁